Category: Uncategorized

Down for the Count

Well, it’s happened. I thought I had escaped the “end of rush” winter bronchitis but alas, it caught me. Let’s be perfectly transparent. As much as I would like to to blame Winter in Kentuckiana where it can be 60 today and snow tomorrow, or working with the public, or jokingly claim the Coronavirus made it’s way to the middle of the country, I can do none of these. This is 100% my own fault.

Here’s the thing. I know that I do this to myself just about every year. From Thanksgiving to MLK day I am going non-stop. Work amps up as we head into finals, prep for Spring semester, hire temps, train temps, bring back and update our seasonal staff, fill online orders, do last minute ordering, stocking and whatnot, work 7 days a week for a few weeks, work open to close as we extend our hours by two hours, then again for the first week of class for a 3rd hour, fill back orders, wait on customers and attend to the million little details that are involved in the start of the semester. It’s exhausting just thinking about it. Now- add in taking my finals, braving a “wintersession” course (16 weeks compacted into 4) and starting Spring term myself and it’s more stressful. Now- for this year’s kicker. I lost my assistant manager around Thanksgiving to a well deserved promotion and it took about a month to get the new Assistant Manager that I wanted, then start bringing her up to speed left me scrambling and feeling behind the 8-ball through all of the Rush.

By the time it was over I was already starting to develop a bit of a cough. Nothing major- just a random coughing fit and shortness of breath going uphill to my car or across campus to class. I thought maybe it was just a flare of my RLD thanks to the bi-polar weather and being run down from the hours spent working and studying. So- to quote Queen Elsa, I “Let it Go” and pressed on. Next up came Inventory prep. We normally do our inventory around the mid-late February but due to scheduling problems with the inventory company- it got pushed up to this weekend. That means we scrambled- again- to get ready for inventory which happened yesterday and I ignored it as the coughing, wheezing and tight chest became more and more frequent. When inventory was finally over yesterday afternoon I came home, sat in my recliner with the puppies on my lap and passed out for a solid four hours. I woke up, coughing my face off, and wandered around for a bit before settling in for a beloved movie (The Intern- if you haven’t seen it, it’s really sweet) took a little cough medicine and vegged. Last night I threw caution to the wind and took Mucinex Nighttime. I fell asleep at my normal time (around 11:30) woke up at my normal time (4:15-4:30) but it was an impressively deep sleep and I felt really rested. I got up, watched a movie (Thanks Hallmark Channel!) and one of the shows on my DVR and was ready for a “Nap”. My nap was another four hours long and nice and deep as well. Now here we are. I have a test that I have to take today for one of my classes then the plan is to veg out again. I can’t miss work tomorrow- my Assistant Manager is off so I am on my own to open and close- but Tuesday I am going to work for a conference call then heading home until time for my class. I am hoping by taking time today, medicating and working tomorrow and taking it slow and then relaxing on Tuesday I can kick this before we get to the “must take steroids, antibiotics and time off work” phase.

Thankfully, the husband told me to stay home, ran my errands for me, made sure I had my favorite Lipton Extra Noodle soup and is encouraging me to chill. So- wish me luck!

The Semester is OVER!

And I am eternally grateful to have survived it. I finished the last of my GEN-ED requirements (YAY) and even squeeked out a B- in the Geography lab. Don’t ask me how because I am the least science-minded person you will ever meet. For Spring, I am taking one Wintersession Sociology (12/23-01/11) class and two classes in regular session. One is another Sociology (so I can work on that minor) and one is the last class I need for my Public Relations minor. My adviser has asked me to take it easy and just take classes I am interested in for fun sprinkled in there, so in the Summer session I am taking Yoga and Tai Chi. I am worn out but if I keep up this pace I *should* graduate in May of ’22. My initial goal was to graduate by the time my nephew did- this would put me a year ahead of him.

And now it’s not only the end of a year- but the end of the decade as well! I am taking the next few days to really reflect on the last decade and think about things I would have done differently. Then I will set goals for the upcoming decade overall and for 2020 in particular. I say goals, not resolutions because resolutions, once broken are gone. Goals, on the other hand, can be reset and worked toward all year long. I will report back on New Year’s Eve as to what I am setting for goals.

How about you? Are you doing a deep reflection? Setting Goals? Making resolutions? Do you care to share them?

Have a lovely day gang!

Catching up

Hi everyone! It’s been a busy, busy few months. I spent most of my summer running back and forth between two stores, helping to transition our local community college system’s store into a Barnes & Noble College store. Fortunately, I have an amazing Assistant Manager who held down the fort in the days I was away.

Working both stores went right up to my own Rush which went by in a flash but then bled right in to my Haunt season. It’s been both exhilarating and exhausting. I am also taking three classes this semester and I’ve taken up making wreaths because I just don’t have enough to keep me busy!

This is a tough semester in terms of classes. I have a Lab for last semester’s Geography course. Science (and the accompanying Math) is very difficult for me. I am also taking a Public Relations class and a class called Bystander Intervention. The book for Bystander Intervention is called We Believe You and it’s utterly heartbreaking. It’s a collection of stories from men and women who have been sexually assaulted on college campuses. It’s a very hard read but it’s important to see that it goes on and how these people are left scarred forever.

As for Haunt Season, I am a bit torn. I love it so much. The cameraderie, the performance aspect, scaring the daylights out of the customers- there’s just nothing like it. On the other hand, I am most assuredly feeling my age. We are only doing a total of 19 performance nights this season- 15 remain as of today- so it’s a very short period of time but toward the end of the nights my feet are groaning, my back tightens up and I am ready for my bed. My goal is to make it through NEXT season- which will be our Haunt’s 20th season, then I will consider retirement.

I hope this finds each of you well- and doing something that you love if only for a little bit.

It’s a Staycation!

Well, I am half way through a staycation. Theoretically I should be on Virginia Beach but sadly, my poor dad blew a staph infection where they repaired his Achilles Tendon and though they wanted us to go ahead and go, we girls decided that it would not be the same without Mom and Dad so we asked that they try to get a refund.

If you were with me on my Blogspot blog, you know that Dad went through a tough time back in February and March. If you are new to my blog, you can read about it here, beginning on March 6th. 10 weeks after his surgery, roughly 14 weeks after the initial fall, he went to the Neuro and was released from the back brace but complained to us in the family chat that the ankle had been hurting for a few days. The next day it was bad enough to take him back to the doctor. They took one look at the site and rushed him to the hospital and right into surgery because the site where they reattached the Achilles had contracted a staph infection. 10 weeks is a long time after surgery for this to show so they were very concerned. He was in the hospital for a total of 5 days during which they did 3 surgeries and ended up having to take not only the repaired portion of the Achilles but the rest of it as well. He was on IV antibiotics for the duration of the stay and went home with a port in which he had to go back for antibiotic infusions for over a month. As of yesterday, he has 30 infusions left to go.

One sister and my son decided to give back their vacation and hold it for another time. The other two, one husband and mine and I decided to take our vacation anyway. I used mine to go back down to Mom and Dad’s and then come back home and spend the rest at house. I’ve been fighting a flare for weeks and when I go back it’s going to be straight-out at work through August so rest and relaxation are in order. Monday was a “stay in my pajamas, nap and binge television” day. I must have needed sleep because where I normally sleep about 4 hours a night and take about an hour nap, I slept almost 12 hours off and on that day.

Tuesday was essentially a “lazy day” as well but I did get a few things accomplished. Now it’s Wednesday. I have more errands to run. Tomorrow is trash day so I want to get some decluttering done as well. Thursday I also plan on hitting my craft area and getting that in order. I have so many projects begun but not finished, so maybe it’s time to re-evaluate which I am going to do and which I am going to scrap and give the supplies away. Friday is supposed to be the only actual nice day we are to have this week so we may head up to the Cincinnati Zoo. If not, it will be a prep day for going back to work and back to school. The weekend, we will relax and have a nice weekend, just the two of us and the pups.

I’ve needed this time off. Days to just chill out and not worry about work or school. Day to spend time with my husband and my thoughts and my books and my dvr and my puppies. It’s given me time to rest, time to relax and time to reflect. I think we all need that at times. Until the next! Be well friends.

Have You Ever????

I’ve been playing a revolving game of “Have you ever” in my head for a week or more so I thought I would throw it out here.

Have you ever had one of those flares that when it hits you wonder “Is this the one that will take hold and not go away?”

Have you ever thought you should get a part-time job to pay for your medical co-pays?

Have you ever thought that the idea of adding a part time job might be the dumbest idea you ever had because, medical bills or no, you barely have the energy to get through a normal work week?

Have you ever sat there, with your brain fog swirling, trying oh-so-hard to figure out what day of the week it is, or worse, what year it is?

Have you ever, when you are having the hardest time getting up and out of the house, been incredibly thankful that you had a job to get up and go to?

Have you ever had your furry companion snuggle up tight against you and shadow you as if they just know you aren’t feeling well? {On this one- if the answer is no, I would highly recommend it!}

Have you ever felt like your body has betrayed, not just once but again and again and again?

Have you ever reached the point where you thought to yourself “If I get one more diagnosis, I am giving up!”

Have you ever learned to cope with the “Hurry Up and Wait” that comes with medical tests?

Have you ever just taken a deep breat and exhaled on a “thank you”?

The 2nd New Normal Is…

Finding workarounds for your limitations.

Some days I don’t think about my limitations at all because those I use are second nature. Some days it’s all I think about. Much of that depends on whether or not I am in flare or doing something different. One thing I know for sure is that I am not alone in this.

There are a few things that I rarely think about because they are now ingrained. For example, I have trained myself to get up at 4:30 am- 5am at the latest because it takes a couple of hours for my hands and feet to work well enough to get dressed and be able to function for work. I wear shoes and boots that either don’t need to be tied or that I can leave tied and slip on because manipulating laces is very difficult. In that same vein, I wear shoes that will stretch and socks that aren’t tight because by the end of my day standing and walking my feet and ankles are very swollen. Also, about 75% of my pleasure reading is on my Nook or iPad because I can use their stand and not have to hold them to read. I have been making these modifications to my life for so long that they are now automatic.

On the other hand, there are the things that I have to think about, and if I am being truly honest bother me more, when it comes to working around my limitations. This morning, for example, in order to transfer my laundry to the dryer from the washer I had to grab a pair of tongs because I can no longer reach in and grab those errant socks and such at the bottom of the washer. My tongs also come in handy when I need a glass or a spice from the cabinet at the moment because my hip is flaring and so I can’t get up and down off of my step-stool. I will concede that part of this is because I am short but it also is because I can’t bend and stretch the way I could even a year ago. Instead of my cute pocketbooks, I have to carry a backpack much of the time to distribute the weight across my back so that it doesn’t hurt more than usual. At work, I have to take 3-4 more trips from overstock to the shelves because I can’t carry as much as I used to and when it comes to getting in really heavy boxes I have to either ask someone to lift them to a table for me or open the box on the floor and transfer the product to a table before I can receive it. I miss being able to sling 50-75lb boxes and blowing through a pallet in an hour or two. This way takes significantly longer. For that fact- everything takes significantly longer!

In all of this I try to look at the positives. I am still independent- perhaps too much for my own good- and able to do those things that must be done. I am still able to work for now. I am not totally dependent on anyone for my day-to-day and I am still productive!

So now I ask you- what workarounds have you found for your limitations?

The New Normal Is…

Adaptability.

When you have a chronic illness, one thing that you learn is that what you’ve always considered to be your “normal” life is a thing of the past.

Before I was diagnosed my “normal” consisted of more than 80 hour work weeks while trying to be a good wife, a good mother and planning to go back so to school. I pushed myself so hard that it was beyond ridiculous. At one point I worked over 110 days in a row without a day off and didn’t blink an eye. It was no wonder my body rebelled against me.

In 2005, a month after I turned 38, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. My first Rheumatologist told me that not only was I seropositive (you can have RA and be seronegative) but my “numbers” were through the roof. He said that if we did not treat it aggressively, I would be wheelchair-bound by the time I was 45. It scared the living hell out of me but being the stubborn mule that I am, I decided that I would not allow it to so much as slow me down. I also didn’t want pity so I only told those that needed to know and tried to keep doing everything I had done before my world was rocked. I tried to keep up my “normal” pace for about 18 months after my initial diagnosis, that didn’t work out so well. My only concession was that I would actually take a day off every week so that I could have some downtime- a new normal. That went on until May of 2007 when I transferred from Massachusetts to Indiana for a new job.

The move afforded me much more free time, more time with my parents and a much slower paced lifestyle, another new normal. I am eternally grateful that I was able to make the move because since then I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease and Rheumatoid Lung Disease. With each diagnosis, I would get to a place where I thought I had developed a new normal and another diagnosis would be dropped in my lap leading me to start all over again. I cannot imagine where I would be had I continued on with my New England lifestyle. Each and every new diagnosis takes me farther away from who I was before my journey with chronic pain and chronic illness.

What I have realized is that no matter how much I love a routine, finding our “new normal” isn’t actually about settling down into a new routine. For me at least, the New Normal is adapting each time something new is thrown at me. It’s learning to take a day or two to rest when I need it. It’s picking up 50lb boxes when I can and asking for help when I can’t. It’s going hard when I can and pushing through when needed. It’s all about riding the roller coaster of ups and downs that go with chronic pain and chronic illness and adapting to the good days and bad. It’s about getting out of the “this is what I can/can’t do now mindset” and going with the flow. It’s knowing that no matter how hard we try to keep a routine or make plans, something will pop up to change it without warning. It’s about not letting the unpredictability make you crazy. It’s about cultivating the ability to change plans without guilt, ask for help when needed and talk to the people that matter about what is going on. Right now, for me, it’s about going back to school to learn a new skill-set because I acknowledge that I will not be able to do my very physical job too much longer and hoping that I can power through until I graduate. It’s about adapting my life to my current abilities, whether that’s day to day, week to week or month to month. It’s saying “I’ve got this”, working with your limitations being grateful that you can find a way. Adaptability- the New Normal.